4th
depressed?
that title is cliche and i wanted to put it some other way, but that’s just how it sounds best.
i. just. feel. blah.
not particularly sad or anxious, not even really bored… i’m actually content… but not joyful, just… comfortably numb.
maybe the high of manic episodes takes all the understanding out of pure happiness. i expect too much out of everything, even my own emotions. how is life supposed to feel?
or maybe it’s that i’m not writing and traveling, like i’d like to be doing. maybe it’s that i’m not living with much passion, fuck, i’m not even really sure of where my passion lies anymore. maybe it’s that i try so hard to make someone happy, but never feel like i succeed. it could possibly be the fact that i feel like a black hole who constantly needs from other people.
it’s not like i don’t make myself happy… i’m constantly proud of things i do & who i am… i just don’t feel like anyone else sees it. it would be nice to hear it from someone else for once. is it supposed to be enough just to feel it yourself?
i think it could just be that i’ve been ruined by the extremes of my own emotions & depths of my own imagination.
